In 13 hours, I fly out of India. I leave India. My god. I have to admit there were times during this trip when I seriously doubted whether or not I would make it to this point. There are so many emotions running around inside of me right now that I'm finding it difficult to formulate any sort of coherent, structured thoughts. I am so excited to return home of course, but at the same time I'm also feeling a bit wierd in leaving. I don't exactly know what it is...nostalgia perhaps? No, that's not it. It's not sadness either, but more like an important chapter of my life is coming to a close, and while I'm relieved on many levels that it's over, I also recognize how valuable an experience this has been and how much this place has taught me. It's almost like, besides myself, the only witness to everything that i've been through these past three months has been India herself. All the anger, frustration, love, bitterness, joy, relief, stress...everything I've felt over the past 11 weeks has been shared between me and India. It's an odd thing. I guess I feel grateful. Grateful to India for giving me this experience, for challenging me, for sharing my experiences and emotions. Grateful to be leaving, to be returning finally to the people I love most in this world, to my comforts, to my home. Grateful to realize how much I have in this world and how much I can do to help others and myself, and grateful to feel loved by so many people that are so far away.
I'm very curious to see how my emotions and attitude change over the next 48 hours regarding India. Will it seem far away? Will I miss it? Perhaps this entire trip will just appear like a small blip in my life that doesn't fit in, or perhaps I'll feel more out of place in the Western world, surrounded by white people. I honestly don't know, but at this moment the idea of seeing people who actually know me and who know who I am and where I come from without needing an explanation...well, it sounds impossible. It sounds great.
As for now, I'm off to spend my last hours in Calcutta reminding myself (again) how much I love evrything I have, and how lucky I am to be who/where I am.
I love you all
Kato
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Human Beans and Hydrophelia: a few of my favorite things.
Just because I think my blog needs to be a little more decorated, here are some things I really like: glass jars, vegetable gardens, baths and bath tubs, champagne, clean kitchens, notecards, darkrooms, coconut oil, tattoos, dinner parties, soft skin, guitars, music that makes my skin prickle, books that make my stomach flip, basil, eating outside, French, my Tea Tiger (and his accomplice Mr. Bento), antiques, water and all things water-related, surprises, gluten-free living, exfoliation, pickles, old leather items, medical encyclopedias, farmers markets, perfectly-timed witty comments, fresh ground black pepper, people who dance shamelessly at concerts, ancestors, exercise, soft and silly animals, goof balls, dryer air, marijuana, new notebooks and smooth pens, meditation, tap dancers, floor plans, peanut butter chocolate anything, learning anything about the human body, letters, completely useless small treasures, cracky eggs, good friends, conspiracies, refrigerator boxes, steamed rice, hand-clapping games, story telling, my tribe, high tops, standard transmission, people who are comfortable in their own skin, plain yogurt, travel, and laughing very hard at not very funny things.
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