Buddha Boot Camp

Great news everyone: I'M ENLIGHTENED!!!!!!! 10 days of silence and strict meditation, and here I am, the next Buddha! (Now isn;t that a frightening thought?) I departed from my beloved Vipassana center this morning with rays of golden light eminating from my brow and my right hand permanently frozen in that upright, holy, enlightened, Jesus/Buddha/other religious figures stance. Ha. I wish. So let's just say honestly, all joking aside, for those of you who have never an enema of any kind (and I hope that's most of you, sorry Austin) let me tell you they are not pretty things. I don't care what type of enema you're talking about, but in my case the past 10 days have been one giant brain enema. And not a pretty one. First of all, there is far too much to say about what I have experienced over the past 10 days of my life, and I look forward to being able to talking with you all about it face to face when I get home.This is merely a summary- an overview perhaps. In all, my feelings at this very moment are of shock in having been reintroduced to the "real world" outside of my silent bubble, relief to be done with my retreat, excitement at the thought of coming home so soon, and also of deep gratitude for what I have experienced over the past week and a half. I am so deeply appreciative that I got to have that experience and that such an amazing techniqu has been introduced to me. While it was some of the hardest 10 days I've ever had, it was also one of the more potent and worthwhile things I've done, and I literally recommend it to everyone. Everyone should have the opportunity (or rather take the opportunity) to get a good look inside their mind, no matter how ugly or difficult it may be. And let me tell you, it is much of both. It is painful. Everyday arising at 4 am, speaking not one word to a single person, meditating for 11 hours a day always inside your own mind...it it not easy. Every single day was like riding the largest emotional roller coaster I've ever been on. I would wake up resistantly, but feel peaceful and glad to be in silence, I would be able to concentrate on the technique, on my actions, and then every day about 1 pm I would become so overwhelmingly depressed with everything around me I could barely stand it. There were days when I would just cry for an hour, and days when I would be too overwhelmed with sadness to cry. And then I would bounce back up, elated with the beauty and peace in the world and entertained by my own madness. But my god, the things my brain came up with! When you stop all movement in your life, even just for 10 days, and just watch yourself, some amazing and hiden things come out that you didn't even know were there. Old complexes, old fears and problems left unresolved, insecurities, images, fantasies. Lord, I can't even describe the things that I have created in my own mind over the past 10 days. I thought about grocery stores and cooking and cereal for about 7 days straight. I thought about home nonstop, I distracted myself, I forced myself to concentrate, I had nightmares that I haven't had in years, had frightening images during mediations, had fantasies of my cabin nonstop, felt immense feelings of peace and happiness and gratitude...I felt it all. And of course, 10 days of this is only the beginning. Vipassana has been around for 2500 years, so 10 days is just the very tip of the iceburg. Although through all of that I did walk out with a sense that I have changed, that something in me has started shifting, and that I can see myself and things around me quite a bit clearer. But I also know that it will take lots of continued practice for me to feel immense reults, and I plan to continue to work on it. I know I'm leaving tons out, and most of you don't even know what the technique is or what it's aims are, but I'm too lazy and haven't heard the voices of my family or boyfriend for 10 days and need to make some calls. In all, if you are at all interested, look into Vipassana. It changes something in everyone for the better, I swear it. I also will be overjoyed to talk to each of you about it and about my experience when I return home, for I feel that will be a much better way of telling you about it. For now I'm heading up to Dharamsala today to meet Jodie and I think actually Tibetan New Year is not Decmeber 10th...oops...but she says it's beautiful and calm, so that sounds great to me!
Love to all and happy winter, I'll see you all so soon!
Kato